|Posted on May 31, 2016 at 11:50 AM||comments (3)|
Today I should be looking into my husbands eyes and celebrating 13 years of marriage and 23 years
of partnership. This year I get to learn to celebrate without him, without us, but with a new beginning.
Four months ago there was a knock on the front door and my family's lives changed forever
instantly. My life, my ten year old son'd, and my four year old daughter's our worlds ripped out from
underneath us in a moment. I'm on day 125 since the car accident that took my husbands life and
each day I am learning to live in this unfamiliar space without him , his hugs, his tender and
supportive words, and the way only he could look at me like I was the only thing he needed to fill his
lungs and keep his heart beating. I am a shell of the person I used to be, I feel disconnected to so
many people, because the things that are influencing their lives in my eyes appears trite and trivial.
The adjustment has been heavy, I had been with Ron since I was 21 and we were happy together. By
no means was our relationship perfect, we had uplifting journeys and beyond difficult trials, but in the
end I couldn't have imagined waking up to anybody else.
The lonliness is indescribible. It amazes me how I can be surrounded by people who love and adore
me and still feel utterly and desperately alone. I have friends who haven't called or reached out
because they don't know what to say. Other friends who are aftraid to ask about me and tell me how
their children are succeeding, careers are soaring, husbands are set financially with a new job,
husbands job has provided ample retirement benefits...Please understand more than anything I want
to be able to hear and provide support, but right now, for me all it does is glaringly point out I have no
career, struggling to learn to raise my children solo, and have no retirement saved. There have been
days my body has felt so heavy I wasn't sure how I would manage getting out of bed. The children
help of course, but even then I can feel too exhausted physically and emotionally to be my normal
patient, nurturing, fun, and adventurous mommy.
What has been the predominant inspiration is Ron and our love. He would never want me to be
devasted and broken, so I choose, as I have been so wisely instructed, to greive not the tragedy, but
the perfection and beauty of our love. And with this perspective comes new beginnings, unwritten
stories, and a blank canvas. I had a beautiful dream with Ron sitting in front of a blank canvas. I asked
him what he was doing and he slowly lifted a paint brush to the canvas. Up to this point, I have not
been ready to paint that canvas. I can't imagine what it will look like, what colors or shapes will fill the
spaces, but I have decided today may be a good day to start.
Meredith is a multi-faceted professional with a degree in Exercise Science and Nutrition from Arizona State University. Meredith is well known for her intuitive style of teaching and coaching. She understands the concept that each being and body is different on their journey of balance and health. Meredith's students and clients enjoy her understanding and infusion of the body-mind complex. Her expertise as an athletic trainer, physical therapy assistant, nutrition consultant and life and career coaching coupled with her education of BodyTalk and Reiki, creates a custom healing and learning environment for clients.
You can find out more about Meredith at www.centerfordynamicbeing.com